Good stuff for the month of May
Don't hate me but I wrote a gift guide.
Hello there!
I’ve been hesitant to write gift guides because my own inbox is inundated with them. They feel especially annoying a time when I, like many people I know, am reigning in spending.1
That said, there are certain times—Mother’s Day, for example, or a birthday—when a person will be asked: What do you want for Mother’s Day/your birthday? In a perfect world, I would like to be surprised and delighted by a gift that makes me feel seen and understood. But that’s a tall and borderline obnoxious order, especially if the giver is also a busy person who is caring for your family, and also possibly trying to reign in spending too.
I don’t really like the idea of managing my own gift, but you know what’s even worse? Letting someone waste time and money on something that really misses the mark. So, without further ado, here are some gift ideas for May.
Experiences, facilitated by YOU, the giver
My #1 note for giving experiences, especially if you share childcare duties with the recipient, is to help facilitate their using them.
Massages, facials, reiki, Tarot readings, etc.
For example, when I got Corey a massage for Father’s Day, I called to make his appointment for that Sunday and said I’d watch the kids while he went to the spa and got lunch at great café nearby (Gjusta). Go, go, go! Out the door he went, and otherwise the gift card would probably still be sitting in his inbox.
Concert tickets
I’ve heard that themes of motherhood are laced through Beyoncé’s Cowboy Carter extravaganza, which has two more nights this week in LA before heading to Chicago, and then on to the east coast. For a brief, blessed period, Lua allowed “Protector,” from this album, onto our playlist, and listening to it with her was so special. Nothing says “happy Mother’s Day” like letting Bey sing it for you.
This works for smaller local bands, comedy shows, etc. too. But some other big performers with upcoming shows: Kendrick Lamar, Wilco, Paul Simon, The Flaming Lips, Nick Cave, LCD Soundsystem, Charli XCX …
Similarly, you could nab a reservation at one of their favorite restaurants, and send them on their way. Or, oh my goodness, a night at a hotel if you’re really going for it.
Real-life retail
Speaking of experiences, how about browsing an excellently curated, good-smelling store with pleasant music playing? I recently popped into Broome Street General Store’s Culver City location and what a delight. (I found them researching for this WSJ story about fancy general stores I wrote a few lifetimes ago, which also included local favorite General Store.)
I browsed a book called Surf Porn, spritzed on some D.S. & Durga fragrance, and considered painting my fingernails with mineral green and/or gold glitter nail polish. (The Nature of Swimming was wrapped up but wow, I really wanted to look at it.)
You could give yourself the gift of a retail adventure by going and choosing something from a shop your recipient would be into, or you could just grab them a gift card so they could do it themselves. OR, the middle path: if the return policy is generous you could choose a gift and if you’re not 100% confident tell your person to feel free to go back to the shop for an exchange if they’d prefer!2
In addition to fancy general stores, think about specialty shops that sell things your recipient loves, whether that’s books, sporting goods, art supplies, fancy cheese, etc. Honorable LA mentions here for Mollusk, Village Well, and Shorthand—a truly lovely place to buy a notebook. Bonus points for sending them for a coffee or a cocktail nearby.
Oddly specific things I’d like
Okay, these may only be relevant for a surfer mom in your life, but here are a few things I would appreciate and maybe you or yours would too.
A vintage Swatch
Swatches are waterproof, reliable, and not wildly expensive—and they keep you from using your f-ing phone to check the time.3
New is fine, but vintage is better. This site4 is full of them, and so is Etsy. I’m partial to the 25mm “lady” size, but it’s a wide world out there! (I like this, this, and this.)
A mom hat (or subscription)
I’m anti-merch when it comes to gifts with a couple exceptions. This year, I love this corduroy cap that says SEA BOOBS. It’s perfect for May Grey days when you need something that’s equal parts cozy, silly, and subversive.
Last year (?) for Mother’s Day I specifically requested this longsleeve from Mother Tongue, one of my favorite magazines. They make good hats, and a Mother Tongue (or other cool mag) subscription would also make a great gift.
Seashell jewelry
I haven’t yet found it, but I do love the idea of some grownup seashell jewelry. My high school boyfriend was the son of a fine jeweler and gave me a pair of silver Elsa Peretti starfish earrings when we were mere teens. On the downside, this nearly ruined me as a gift recipient by setting an outrageously high bar. On the upside: I still wear them.
I’ve also been wearing an actual seashell I found on a gold chain lately, but I like the idea of something a little more composed. LMK if you have ideas. (Are we ready for high-end puka shells? Maybe too literal.)
Fancy things to use every day
Perhaps my greatest regular indulgences is Bellocq looseleaf tea. I’m a black tea drinker and I love their Queen’s Guard, Smokey Earl Grey, and classic Earl Grey. I don’t drink it every day, but I’d like to!
This philosophy could apply to a fresh container of anything extra-special that your person loves but doesn’t always buy for themselves because it might feel too fancy. Is there some skincare product, scalp scrub, weed gummy, or hazelnut insanity that they’re scraping from the bottom of the jar? (Or do ALL of their white tee shirts have holes in them?) Find out and buy them more!5
See them
Take a picture, or frame one you have
You probably have a nice picture of your loved one in their element … why not print and frame it to show your appreciation? If you don’t have any pictures like that, you could consider having some taken.
At the end of the year, we did that with Mariona Vilarós, a Los Angeles-based photographer who is also a friend. Mariona just started offering Super 8 video shorts as part of her services, which is an awesome way to capture a stage of life when no one sits still. (She also happens to be married to my oldest friend, Tim, who stars in this one.) If you mention this newsletter, she’ll give you 10% off until May 31, aka my birthday.
This one’s free: put it in writing
Even—or especially—if all you’re giving is a card, you can make it really special by writing down what makes this person special to you, why you appreciate them, what they do that makes you smile, why you love them, a favorite recent (or ancient) memory of them, etc. Just meditate on their greatness and let it rip.
Also, peonies are in season.
Happy May! Have a good day.
Love,
Jenni
P.S.
It recently came to my attention during a conversation about “Your Friends and Neighbors”6 and the greatness of Amanda Peet, that one of my dear friends had never seen or even heard of “Togetherness.” This made me wonder if some of you also missed this Duplass brothers series that premiered on HBO a decade ago (!), and was cancelled after just two seasons. It was a gem that didn’t totally find its audience—or maybe that audience was just a little too small for HBO. Anyway, I loved it.
Wow, it turns out this is a great condition for writing a gift guide because it lets you scratch the shopping itch without shopping. You should see my browser tabs.
I miss Bird Brooklyn so much, but on a positive note: Welcome to Substack, Jen Mankins!
Someone buy one for Jia Tolentino, who blamed this action for breaking her beautiful brain in this excellent essay about our current condition.
h/t A Thing or Two
In this category, I want to try this lotion you use in the shower, but haven’t yet.
Corey is watching it without me while I write this newsletter, but maybe I’ll catch up while the Knicks play tomorrow.